The Holidays Are Over. Now What?
Key Takeaways:
Post-holiday depression is real and often stems from the exhaustion of meeting endless expectations, the letdown after intense social activity, and the pressure to immediately start "improving" yourself in the new year.
The weeks after the holidays are not the time for ambitious resolutions—they're a crucial period for rest, reflection, and gentle reconnection with yourself.
True sustainable change comes from clarifying your personal values and making small, meaningful adjustments rather than forcing dramatic transformations when you're already depleted
The decorations are down. The guests have gone home. The wrapping paper has been recycled, and your inbox is overflowing with "New Year, New You!" promotions. You made it through the holidays, but instead of feeling relieved or refreshed, you feel... empty. Exhausted. Maybe even a little depressed.
If this resonates with you, know that you're not alone. In my therapy practice, January is consistently one of the busiest months, filled with people who expected to feel energized by the new year but instead find themselves struggling with post-holiday depression, burnout, and a deep sense of disconnection from themselves.
The Expectation Trap
Let's be honest about what we just survived. The holiday season has become a marathon of expectations. You're supposed to attend all the parties, send cards, buy thoughtful gifts, decorate beautifully, cook elaborate meals, maintain family traditions, travel to see relatives, manage complex family dynamics, post the perfect photos, and somehow remain cheerful and grateful throughout it all.
Then comes New Year's Eve with its own set of pressures. You should have exciting plans. You should stay up until midnight. You should feel hopeful and inspired about the year ahead. The message is clear: if you're not celebrating in some spectacular way, you're doing it wrong.
And just when you think you can finally rest, the New Year's resolution culture kicks into high gear. Suddenly you're bombarded with messages about transformation. Lose weight. Get organized. Be more productive. Start that business. Learn a new skill. Overhaul your entire life. The implicit message? You're not enough as you are, and January 1st is your chance to finally fix yourself.
No wonder so many of us feel depleted. We've been running on fumes for weeks, forcing ourselves to meet impossible standards, and now we're expected to immediately embark on ambitious self-improvement projects. It's exhausting just thinking about it.
Understanding Post-Holiday Depression
Post-holiday depression is a genuine phenomenon that many people experience but few talk about openly. It can manifest in several ways:
There's the simple letdown after weeks of heightened activity and stimulation. Your nervous system has been in overdrive, flooded with stress hormones, social demands, and sensory input. When it all suddenly stops, the crash can feel jarring. The quiet of normal life feels too quiet. The routine feels gray and monotonous by comparison.
For some, post-holiday depression stems from unmet expectations. Maybe the holidays didn't live up to the picture-perfect images we see everywhere. Family dynamics were strained. Gifts felt obligatory rather than meaningful. You spent money you didn't have. The magic you were chasing never quite materialized, leaving you feeling disappointed and vaguely guilty for not being more grateful.
There's also the depression that comes from exhaustion and depletion. You gave and gave and gave—your time, energy, money, and emotional bandwidth. Now your reserves are empty, and you're expected to immediately start pursuing ambitious goals. But you have nothing left to give, including to yourself.
For those who struggle with existing depression, the holidays often provide a temporary distraction. The busyness keeps darker thoughts at bay. But when the activity stops, the depression that was lurking beneath the surface rushes back in, sometimes feeling even more intense than before.
The Problem with Immediate Resolution Culture
Our culture's obsession with New Year's resolutions is particularly problematic in this context. When you're already depleted, burned out, and possibly experiencing post-holiday depression, January 1st is actually the worst possible time to launch into major life changes.
Sustainable change requires energy, mental clarity, and emotional resources. When you're running on empty, any resolutions you make are likely to fail, not because you lack willpower or discipline, but because you're trying to build on a foundation that's crumbling beneath you.
The failure of these hastily made resolutions then compounds the depression. You set goals you couldn't possibly maintain, they fall apart by mid-January, and you end up feeling worse about yourself than you did before. It's a cycle that therapy clients describe to me year after year.
A Different Approach: Rest, Recover, Reconnect
What if, instead of immediately trying to transform yourself, you gave yourself permission to rest and recover? What if January became a month of gentle restoration rather than aggressive self-improvement?
This isn't about giving up on growth or positive change. It's about recognizing that sustainable change requires a solid foundation, and right now, your foundation needs tending. Here's how to approach the post-holiday period with more compassion and wisdom:
Permission to Rest
First and most importantly, give yourself explicit permission to rest. This might feel uncomfortable, especially if you're conditioned to always be productive. But rest isn't laziness—it's essential maintenance for your mental health and wellbeing.
Rest might look like going to bed earlier, taking naps without guilt, saying no to social invitations, or simply allowing yourself to do nothing sometimes. Notice the resistance that comes up when you try to rest. That resistance is often internalized messages about productivity and worth. In therapy, we work on untangling these beliefs and recognizing that your value isn't determined by your output.
Gentle Recovery Practices
As you rest, incorporate gentle practices that support your recovery from the holiday marathon:
Create simple routines that anchor your days. Not rigid schedules that add more pressure, but simple rhythms that provide structure and comfort. Maybe it's a morning cup of tea, an evening walk, or a few minutes of stretching.
Nourish your body with regular, simple meals. After weeks of rich holiday food and irregular eating patterns, your body will appreciate consistency and nutrition. This isn't about dieting or restriction—it's about care.
Move your body in ways that feel good. Not punishing workouts, but gentle movement that helps process stress and reconnect with your physical self. Walking, stretching, dancing in your living room—whatever brings you back into your body.
Limit your exposure to resolution culture. Unsubscribe from fitness emails, skip the diet ads, and give yourself a break from social media if it's making you feel inadequate. Protect your recovering nervous system from additional pressure.
Reconnecting with Yourself
The post-holiday period offers a valuable opportunity to reconnect with who you are beneath all the roles you've been playing and expectations you've been meeting. This reconnection is essential before making any meaningful changes.
Start by getting curious about your current state without judgment. How do you actually feel right now? What do you need? What's been neglected? In therapy, we call this "getting present" or "checking in with yourself," and it's a foundational practice for mental health.
Journal without agenda. Write whatever comes up without trying to solve anything or make it productive. Let yourself complain, wonder, dream, or simply record what is. This practice helps you hear your own voice again after weeks of accommodating everyone else's needs.
Notice what brings you small moments of pleasure or peace. Not huge transformative experiences, but simple things: a warm shower, a good book, a phone call with a friend who really gets you, the way afternoon light falls across your floor. These moments are breadcrumbs leading you back to yourself.
Identifying Your Values (Not Goals)
Once you've given yourself time to rest and reconnect, you can begin thinking about the year ahead—but from a different angle. Instead of setting ambitious goals, start by clarifying your values.
Values are different from goals. Goals are specific outcomes you want to achieve. Values are the qualities you want to embody and the directions you want to move toward in your life. Goals can be completed and checked off. Values are ongoing commitments to what matters most to you.
Ask yourself these questions:
What made me feel most alive and authentic last year?
When did I feel most disconnected from myself, and what was happening?
If I could change one thing about how I'm living, what would have the biggest positive impact on my wellbeing?
What do I want more of in my life? What do I want less of?
What relationships need tending?
What parts of myself have I been neglecting?
These questions aren't about fixing yourself or achieving more. They're about clarifying what actually matters to you beneath all the noise of cultural expectations.
Common values that emerge in therapy when people do this work include: authenticity, connection, creativity, health, learning, peace, purpose, rest, and self-compassion. Your values might be completely different, and that's exactly the point. This is about your life, not someone else's idea of what your life should look like.
From Values to Small, Meaningful Adjustments
Once you've identified your values, you can make small adjustments that align your daily life with what matters most to you. Notice the word "small." We're not talking about overhauling your entire existence. We're talking about gentle course corrections.
If you value connection but realize you've been isolating, maybe you reach out to one friend this week. If you value creativity but haven't made anything in months, perhaps you spend twenty minutes doodling or playing with words. If you value rest but constantly override your tiredness, you might start going to bed thirty minutes earlier.
These small adjustments, rooted in your actual values and made from a place of adequate rest, are far more sustainable than ambitious resolutions made from depletion. They're also much kinder, which matters when you're recovering from post-holiday depression.
When to Seek Therapy
If you're experiencing post-holiday depression that feels overwhelming or persistent, therapy can provide crucial support. Some signs that it's time to reach out to a therapist include:
Depression that interferes with your ability to function in daily life
Feelings of hopelessness that don't lift even with rest
Loss of interest in things that normally bring you joy
Significant changes in sleep or appetite
Difficulty connecting with others or feeling persistently alone
Thoughts of self-harm
Even if your post-holiday depression doesn't reach these levels, therapy can be valuable space to process the holidays, explore what you're feeling, and develop strategies for moving forward in a way that honors who you are and what you need.
A Gentler Path Forward
The holidays are over, and you survived them. That's no small thing. Now, instead of immediately demanding more from yourself, what if you offered yourself compassion? What if you acknowledged that you're tired, perhaps depleted, maybe even experiencing depression, and that's completely understandable given what you've been through?
The new year doesn't have to start with a bang. It can start with a breath. With rest. With reconnection. With small, gentle steps toward what matters most to you.
There's plenty of time for growth and change. But right now, in these quiet weeks after the holiday chaos, the most radical thing you can do is simply take care of yourself. Rest. Recover. Reconnect with your values. And trust that from this foundation of restoration, whatever comes next will be more authentic and sustainable than anything you could force from a place of depletion.
You don't need to be transformed by February. You just need to be yourself again. That's more than enough.
Lauren Donohue specializes in parental wellbeing helping busy parents and young professional, to heal, grow, and rediscover joy amidst the demands of life. Lauren is trained in ACT, CBT, and EMDR.